The horrors: A mukade in my apartment.
The other night I was
mucking around doing something incredibly important on my computer, when I heard a rustle coming from the plastic bag on the floor beside me. I glanced down, and was suddenly gripped with fear. All of the fear. Enough that I literally jumped on my couch. After two years and ten months, I finally encountered a mukade on the inside of my apartment. As luck might have it, it was the largest one I have ever seen.
Mukade, for the uninitiated, are the most evil bugs on the fact of the planet. They give horrible, poisionous bites. They are huge (like 10 cm long). The thing that makes them worse than any other bugs on the planet (and I hang out with Japanese Giant Hornets) is that they are agressive and don’t really seem to have any inhibitions whatsoever. I generally don’t kill bugs – actually quite like them; I happily shared my bathroom with a cute wee spider named Philip for a summer, but mukade are the one exception.
My neighbour found this one in his apartment. They’re taking over.
Anyway, back to the evil mukade. It realised I was after it. I found myself chasing it from afar, being petrified, as it ducked into random places in my living room. Eventually, I called my friend. She started giving me instructions as to how to catch it. I squealed. Suddenly that advice turned into, “I’ll be over in a minute”.
I kept eye on the mukade, until eventually it went and hid under my side-lying router. I siezed the opportunity to trap the beast under a stainless steel bowl. I sat for a few moments, holding my prisoner, until A. showed up. She was armed with her anti mukade kit – a clear, plastic box and a bottle of dish detergent.
We scooted the mukade off the tatami, and onto the wooden floor. The general ‘how to kill a mukade’ procedure around here is to trap them, and use oodles of dishwashing detergent to kill them. Basically, you line the perimeter of the container with detergent and swirl it around, coating the trapped mukade. Mukade are very difficult to kill, as they have a super tough exoskeleton, so the traditional squash method isn’t really very effective. In fact, rumour has it that if you squash a mukade, it releases pheremones so other mukade in the area can come and take revenge. I didn’t want to test this.
We kept squirting detergent around and it kept moving. We ended up using all of A.’s detergent (which I still haven’t paid her back for – whoops), and half of mine, until eventually we had a mukade sized swimming pool of the stuff. It took 30 long, painful minutes, but it eventually stopped squirming. Not wanting to risk it, I filled a plastic bag with detergent, and we grabbed kitchen tongs to pick it up with. We then carried it out to the dumpsters, and laid it to rest.
I will never feel safe in my apartment ever again.
Incidentally, I was going to add a link to a youtube video of one, but watching one move was just too traumatic.